im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
