I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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