The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
and you said cock pushups were impossible
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
splinters make it hard to masturbate
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
