do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
