dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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