I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
