Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I puked a lego.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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