he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
