We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
