Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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