I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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