Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
