but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
