Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
