last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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