Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
