Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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