we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
