I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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