So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
