No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
