for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
