I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
