My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
