PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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