u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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