just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
