Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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