Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
