i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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