why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
