atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
