they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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