My nipple is on Facebook.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
birth control should be required to get into college
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
