My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
