But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
