Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
