Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
