There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
