Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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