sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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