There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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