i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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