If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
