Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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