dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
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