my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
