You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
