I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
