i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
