I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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