I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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