i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
